How to Understand and Overcome Perfectionism

Sometimes perfectionism can make you stand out in a good way. Maybe you’re the top of your class, or maybe you’ve gained that promotion that other people were after. Other times, perfectionism can keep you from success because of a fear of failure, cause problems in your relationships, or lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Perfectionism can manifest in many ways, most of which are more harmful than helpful. 

Some Symptoms of Perfectionism Include:

• Avoiding Tasks That Cannot Be Completed Perfectly
• An Intense Fear of Making Mistakes
• Feelings of Failure or Shame When Unable to Meet High Standards
• A Tendency to Hold Others to High Standards
• Fear of Disapproval and Rejection; Might Be Sensitive to Criticism
• Strong Anxiety About Performance Outcomes
• An Unwavering Pursuit of Flawlessness 

Does this sound like yourself or someone you love? First, know that perfectionism is usually a symptom of an underlying issue—one that deserves compassion. Second, perfectionism is completely treatable, and there are many ways to do so. 

What to Do if You Struggle with Perfectionism

One of the tricky things about perfectionism is the intense shame that comes with failure. When a person realizes that they are a perfectionist, and they try to better themselves, any setback can seem like an insurmountable hurdle. However, with persistence and compassion, overcoming perfectionism is possible. Here are some things to try:

Look at the Bigger Picture.

Perfectionism and attention to detail go hand in hand. Sometimes, this can lead to a common problem of “missing the forest for the trees.” Do you sometimes hyper focus on a single detail, just to overlook something else that was important? Do you overwork yourself, trying to get everything “just right?” 

Try taking a step back. Rather than expecting every detail to be perfect, look at the big picture. This helps you to focus on the main goal that you have in mind rather than getting bogged down with all the tiny details.

Reconsider Your Standards.

As a perfectionist, you want to excel in all things that you do—and you expect others to do the same. Sound familiar? This can make life extremely stressful for yourself and others. Sometimes, it’s okay to give 90% instead of 110%. Sometimes even 80% will do. 

The hard truth is that there is not enough time in the day to accomplish all things as perfectly as you would like to. Create a list of priorities, in order of things that need to be more perfect toward less perfect. This can help you decide how to delegate your time and efforts, and when to give others a little slack as well. 

Break the Cycle of Overthinking.

Do you tend to mull over mistakes again and again, or do you focus on a problem obsessively? This is called ruminating—or overthinking. Sometimes these thought patterns can be so consuming that they keep you from doing other things, and can even lead to panic attics and bouts of depression.

If you find yourself stuck worrying about something that didn’t go right or how you’re going to handle something in the future, try to switch your attention to something entirely different. Go for a walk. Talk to someone. Read a book. Anything to gain perspective and distract yourself long enough to break the cycle of ruminating. 

Choose Perfectionism Battle Buddies.

If you struggle with perfectionism, then you might also have a difficult time asking for help. Try to delegate less-important tasks to other people, and appreciate the efforts of others in general. You can also get some help when dealing with your struggle against perfectionism. Let people closest to you know that you’re trying to overcome these challenges, and what they can do to help you reach your goals for healing.

Combat Perfectionism with Christian Counseling in Raleigh

Perfectionism is usually a symptom of something more, like trauma, anxiety, OCD, and other problems. Because of this, it can be very difficult for people to battle perfectionist tendencies alone. If you’re tired of trying to meet impossible standards, or if the people in your life are always disappointing you, then it might be time to connect with Christian therapists in Raleigh, NC.

Grace Overcomes Perfectionism 

The struggle to be perfect is one that can never be won—not without accepting that perfectionism is never possible. Through the grace, mercy, and forgiveness of Jesus Christ, we can learn to take ourselves and others a little less seriously, to focus on the things that matter most, and to live a life that is truly fulfilling. 

Scriptures for Perfectionism:

• 2 Corinthians 12: 9 — But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
• Galatians 1:10 — For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man?
• Ecclesiastes 7:20 — Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. 
• Philippians 3:12-14 — Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
• 1 John 2:1 — My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

Ask About Christian Counseling in Raleigh, NC for Perfectionism

If you’re interested in learning more about Christian counseling for perfectionism, then reach out to Sojourner Counseling. One of our licensed therapists will help you uncover the reason you, your child, your teen, or your spouse is struggling with perfectionism. Then, they will provide a treatment plan that combines scientifically proven therapies with faith-based support. Reach out to us anytime to learn more.