How to Speak the Truth in Love When We Confront
As Christians, we know that we should do our best to mirror Christ in all things that we do. However, when emotions run hot, this can be challenging for us. This can be especially true when we have to confront others who are harmful to us, to others, or to themselves.
Do you struggle with confronting others in a Christ-like way? If so, know that you are far from alone in this, and thankfully, there are some ideas that we can glean from the scriptures that can help us handle these situations with grace.
Be gentle.
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted (Galatians 6:1).
Love requires us to do many difficult things, including speaking up when someone is caught misbehaving. However, when confronting them, we have to remember the Golden Rule: treat others the way you’d want to be treated. This includes approaching people gently. We don’t like being yelled at, name-called, or treated with contempt—and neither does anyone else.
When we give in to our negative emotions, then we can be tempted to misbehave. So, we should first be mindful of our own state of mind so that any correction that we give is done in the right spirit.
Get the beam out of your own eye first.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:3-5).
One of the best ways to guard against mistreating others is to always be mindful of ourselves. We cannot help people if we are blind to our own shortcomings, and the last thing that we want to do is deal harshly with someone who is struggling with something that we struggle with ourselves.
If we seek the Lord to help us overcome our own problems, then we can have compassion for others who have similar temptations, and we might also have some wisdom from God to share that can help them deal with the situation.
Keep yourself humble.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4).
When confronting people, we should do our best to put their needs ahead of our own. For example, we might want to blow off steam and act in a way that makes us feel vindicated in the moment. Instead, we should think about how we can deal with the situation in a manner that will restore the relationship and help the person reconcile themselves to God. This requires humility because we are laying aside our own egos for the sake of others.
Speak the truth in love.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love (Ephesians 4: 15-16).
What matters most, being factually right and winning an argument, or helping someone see the errors of their ways? If we are not approaching people in love, then it doesn’t really matter how right we are. In fact, we might do more harm than good if our approach hardens the person, making them resistant to seeing the truth.
Be ready to forgive.
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15).
Once all is said and done, forgiveness is the goal. If we confront others in the right way and they acknowledge their harmful actions, then be ready to forgive. After all, we also need to be forgiven. Forgiveness can be difficult, but God is here to help soften our hearts so that we can be at peace within ourselves and with others.
Know when it’s time to walk away.
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (Matthew 18:15-17).
There are a few ideas in this scripture. The first helps us to avoid gossip by going to the person directly. If we need someone to step in, then that’s okay too, so long as everyone is dealing with this in a kind manner. If the person we are confronting refuses to acknowledge their harmful actions, then it is okay to walk away. Though we are supposed to be gentle, non-hypocritical, humble, loving, and forgiving, God does not expect us to remain in situations that are damaging, especially when the person consistently refuses change.
Could you use help asserting your boundaries in a healthy and Christian way? If so, Christian counseling in Raleigh, NC can help!
Trouble with anger, anxiety, trauma, and codependency can make it difficult to deal with necessary conflict in a healthy manner. If you can relate, then you might be interested in talking with Christian therapists in Raleigh, NC. Want to learn more? Reach out to Sojourner Counseling, a local source for Christian counseling in Raleigh. We can help you learn healthy, faith-based conflict-resolution skills and much more!