How to find Acceptance for What You Can’t Control
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You might be familiar with the “Serenity Prayer,” but this can be easier said than done. It can feel nearly impossible to accept things that cause us pain, so rather than accept them, we try to control them. Instead of making the pain go away, this actually makes things worse. Have you noticed that? Yet, the reason you try to control things is because you are in pain already, so how do you deal with the pain? How can you simply “accept” it, and what does that even mean? What is “acceptance?” Before getting into that, let’s first think about the opposite—and most importantly—the damage it can cause both mentally and physically. What is the opposite of acceptance? Resistance.
When Resistance Becomes Harmful
Did you know that holding on to things that you cannot change is harmful to your immune system? It can also cause inflammatory responses in your body, leading to muscular and joint pain, headaches, and fatigue. Not to mention—as you likely know already—chronic resistance greatly destroys your peace of mind.
When you are in a situation that you cannot change, but you keep trying to control it to no avail, you are very likely to develop chronic anxiety and depression. You might also notice recurring problems in your relationships, especially if they have an unhealthy and codependent nature. For these reasons, it’s important to know when to “let go and let God,” so that you can move on with your life and find real healing.
What is Acceptance?
With all this in mind, what is acceptance? When you accept something, you no longer worry about it, try to fix it, or fight against it either externally or internally. You simply accept what is. This does not necessarily mean that you tell yourself that the situation is acceptable, but rather that you will be okay despite it because you will take necessary steps toward letting go.
When Acceptance is Important
When should you learn acceptance? When dealing with a painful circumstance or life event, it’s normal to have some fogginess or confusion about what to accept and what not to accept. While there are many things that happen to us that we have no control over, there are some common times when acceptance is necessary.
Day-To-Day Difficulties in Life
Sometimes the smallest things can be the most difficult, especially when dealing with underlying anxiety and/or depression. However, it’s important to learn how to cope with these challenges in a healthy way.
Irrevocable Loss
Whether you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, the loss of your health, a failed career or life ambition, or something else that causes overwhelming grief, acceptance is an important aspect of healing.
Harmful People Who Do Not Change
It can be difficult to let harmful people go, especially when these people are large pieces of your life. However, no matter how much you might want to, you cannot force anyone to change. If they are consistently harmful to you or to people you love without accountability and taking necessary steps toward their own healing, staying in these relationships is damaging and sometimes dangerous.
This form of acceptance doesn’t mean you continue to put up with abuse or neglect, but rather that you acknowledge that this person is not going to change. With this acceptance, you can take steps toward freeing yourself.
Traumatic Experiences
One of the most difficult things to accept are traumatic life experiences. While you are never expected to think of any traumatic experience as being acceptable, healing requires you to learn how to let go of the pain that you carry so that real freedom can be found.
Learning Acceptance Through Christian Counseling
If you need help learning acceptance, then it might be time to reach out to a professional. For example, Sojourner Counseling provides Christian counseling in Raleigh that can help you manage things like daily stress, grief and loss, codependency, and trauma.
This form of therapy might include Dialectical Behavioral therapy, sometimes called Radical Acceptance, to help you take both the good and bad that life throws at you with more wisdom and peace. DBT therapy can help you:
- Observe Your Thoughts and Feelings Without Judgment or Blame
- Determine When Circumstances are Permanent or Beyond Your Control
- Learn to Stop Trying to Change Things
- Become Empowered to Take Practical Steps Forward
Interested in Christian Counseling in Raleigh, NC?
Are you interested in finding a “Christian counselor near me” that can help you with acceptance through DBT therapy and other proven methods? Reach out to Sojourner Counseling anytime to connect with licensed Christian therapists in Raleigh, NC.