Connection: What Kids Need from their Parents
Are you feeling disconnected from your child or teen, or are you looking for some parent-child relationship advice in general? Connection between parent and child is important, but sometimes forming this bond is challenging. Especially when managing the daily grind of parenthood. However, there are some things that you can do—and you and your child will be glad that you did!
Why Connection is Important for Children and Teens
The relationships that children and teens have with their parents set the foundation for future relationships. This is called attachment. If your kids are securely attached to you, then they are far more likely to form healthy relationships with their future spouses and children. However, if they are insecurely attached or disconnected, they are more likely to have troubled marriages and family life.
If you’re concerned that your kids aren’t as connected to you as you’d like them to be, then don’t lose hope. There are some things that you can do to build this connection, and as you might have guessed, the approach can vary depending on the age of your child. Here are some tips!
Tips for Building Connection with Your Child
Children have a natural bond with their parents, but it’s normal for that bond to wax and wane. Sometimes this is related to parental stress, and sometimes it’s a part of kids growing up and finding their independence. Whatever season your relationship is in, there are some things that you can do to ensure that your connection carries you through:
- Listen to them. Whether they are coming to you with sadness, worry, excitement, or just for a quick chat, the more you can listen to them and show interest in what they are saying, the more they will open up to you.
- Find a common interest. Find out what your child cares about our enjoys doing, or get them involved in one of your interests like art, music, or reading.
- Have fun together. Create joy in your life together as much as possible, and sometimes the smallest gestures have the largest impact. Tickles, pillow fights, jokes—get creative and have some fun.
- Provide structure. If kids are feeling stressed, they will have more difficulty feeling connected. Having structure surrounding your family’s routine, discipline, and even family traditions can provide this safety.
Tips for Building Connection with Your Teen
You’re far from alone if you’re feeling disconnected from your teenager. Some of this distance is healthy, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need to maintain a solid relationship with you—even if they seem disinterested at times. Here are some things that can help, and they will appreciate that you made the effort:
- Stay open and interested. Communication is important for connection, and one of the best ways to keep your teens talking is to show interest in what’s going on with them. Refrain from criticism and judgment when possible so they don’t close themselves off.
- Empathize with their feelings. Emotions can run high for teenagers. Let them know that you care about what they are going through without being dismissive or downplaying their experience.
- Build trust. Your teen wants you to trust them, so it’s important to give them some space and let them know that you have faith in them. Letting go of your control can be a difficult process, but as your teen grows, this will draw them closer to you rather than pushing them away.
- Share meals together. You are busy. Your teen is busy. However, there is one thing that you both do every day, and that is eat. No matter what else you and your teen have going on, mealtime can be a great opportunity for catching up, sharing some laughs, and working out problems as a family.
Christian Counseling in Raleigh, NC Can Help You Connect!
There could be many reasons why parents have difficulty connecting with their child or teenager, so don’t feel too bad if you are also. The fact that you are reading this means that you care, and there are many things that can be done to help. One of those is Christian counseling.
Sojourner Counseling provides Christian counseling in Raleigh for children, teens, and parents. If there is an underlying cause that’s affecting your ability to connect, then we can help you discover this and develop a tailored therapeutic plan. If you’re interested in meeting with our Christian therapists in Raleigh, then contact us today!