Unconditional Love: What Kids Need from Their Parents
You want to give your children and teens the best upbringing possible, and there is no shortage of opinions about how this is done. With these opinions comes an endless list of standards, and it can feel impossible to keep up. However, what your child really needs from you is unconditional love. What does this mean, and what does parenting in love look like? Let’s find out!
Why is unconditional love important for children and teens?
For children and teens, having unconditional love from their parents is fundamental to their well-being—now and for the rest of their lives. Children and teens who do not receive unconditional love from their parents can develop problems with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and problems in their future relationships.
What is unconditional love?
Unconditional love does not depend on what the person does or does not do. This means that you love them no matter what, when they are at their worst and when they are at their best, and they can count on your love to always be there.
How do you show your child unconditional love?
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7).
You might say to yourself, “I do love my child no matter what.” However, after considering what unconditional love really looks like, you might find that you have some room for improvement. If you struggle in any of the following areas, then know that many parents are just like you, and it’s not too late to make a change!
Accept Them for Who They Are
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony (Colossians 3:14).
It’s normal for parents to have hopes and expectations for their children and teens, and many of these are perfectly healthy. However, some of these hopes and expectations are more about the desires of the parent rather than what’s best for the child.
For example, school-aged children should be expected to do their assignments and try their best. However, not all people have the same academic strengths and weaknesses. So, it would be unfair for a parent to push their child or teen too hard or in a direction that isn’t right for them. The same can be said of sports, hobbies, or even aspects of personality. It’s important for your child to be able to:
- Express their thoughts and emotions freely.
- Pursue their own interests and hold their own opinions.
- Excel in certain areas and struggle in others.
- Have unique personalities without being pressured to change.
Avoid Fear and Intimidation Tactics
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love (1 John 4:18).
It’s important to set age-appropriate boundaries for your children and teens, along with consistent consequences for misbehavior. However, all instruction should be done while keeping your goal of unconditional love in mind.
Using fear, anger, and intimidation to control your children and teens is not loving, and this approach often backfires. This can lead to outbursts of anger from your child or teen, acting out or rebelling, and can do a lot of harm to them mentally and emotionally. Instead, it’s a good idea to keep these things in mind:
- Do not discipline your children or teens when you are feeling angry.
- Do not use degrading or condescending language.
- Provide consistent, age-appropriate consequences so they learn that their choices matter.
- Remember that discipline is about their development, not about your frustrations.
Expect, Forgive, and Forget Their Mistakes
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
None of us are perfect, but sometimes parents can hold their kids to unnecessarily high standards. Your kids are going to make mistakes. They are going to do things you told them not to do. They are going to argue with their siblings. They are going to make messes. They are going to break things. You get the idea!
However, when these things happen, it’s important to show forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that appropriate consequences don’t follow. It means that once it’s done, it’s done. Don’t bring it up again or hold their mistakes over their heads in the future. If a pattern emerges, then deal with it—but remember to do so in love!
It’s Okay to Say You’re Sorry
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)
Every parent falls short of showing unconditional love towards their children. Some parents are afraid to say the words, “I’m sorry,” because they think doing so undermines their authority. It’s okay and even good to apologize to your children when you mess up. Apologizing is a great way to let them know that you love them, because you care when your actions affect them negatively. This also encourages them to be accountable for their own mistakes.
There’s No Shame in Asking for Help
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity (Proverbs 17:17).
If you’re like many parents, you might have fallen short of showing unconditional love to your child, especially if you did not receive this kind of love from your own parents. However, it’s not too late, and the first step is deciding to do whatever it takes to make things right. If you could use some help with parenting in love, then there are Christian therapists in Raleigh who can help.
Interested in Christian counseling in Raleigh, NC for children and teens?
Do you want to learn more about how to parent with unconditional love? Would your family benefit from therapy, or do you want some extra support for your child or teenager? For professional Christian counseling in Raleigh, contact Sojourner Counseling. We provide therapy for children, teens, families, and more.