Setting your boundary

These first steps will help you evaluate deeper as you think about setting your boundaries.

1. Identify the situation and its importance. 

First, identify the situation in which you’re struggling and needing to evaluate the boundary you’re setting. Is it with friends or family? Is work becoming the biggest priority and you don’t want that? Has your time, money, or energy become stressed too far? Wherever you’re finding stress, anxiety, exhaustion, or overwhelm in your life, that’s a great place to evaluate a personal boundary. Then, describe why it’s important for you to create or alter your boundary with this situation. Think about why creating or altering this boundary is an important step and needed change for you. 

2. Invite God into your boundaries setting process.

As a Christian, God is an important part of your life. Inviting God into this process of boundary setting can help you see the situation and boundary setting process through a different lens. Inviting God may look like spending time in prayer, reading the Bible to learn what Scripture has to say about your situation or remind you of your values, spending time in silence and solitude to hear from God, spending time in worship, fasting, or participating in other spiritual disciplines. You can use this time to seek God for wisdom, courage, grace, and truth. 

3. Search for deeper roots.

As you begin to consider your current boundary, search deeper for reasons why the boundary is set or why you want to change it. Consider how you might be led by fear, shame, anger, guilt, or hurt. Think about how you want this situation to honor God and your values and any role of sin or suffering within your life. Reflect upon whether your current circumstance is driven from habit or what you’ve been told. Whatever may be the roots, delving deeper into our actions can be helpful to have further understanding of why we do what we do. If you struggle with identifying these deeper roots, you might consider discussing with a trusted individual or counselor.

Sticking To Your Boundaries

These latter steps will help you stick to your boundaries. 

4. Communicating my boundaries. 

Take time now to determine how you will communicate this boundary with others. When you set a plan to communicate this boundary, you will be more likely to stick with it. Do you need to send a text? Is a phone call or in person conversation needed? Can it be communicated formally or informally? Perhaps, you practice saying the boundary a few times in the mirror to convey your boundary confidently and with more ease. If it’s a boundary for yourself only, you might need to brainstorm how you’ll remind yourself. Do you need a reminder on your phone or a post-it note somewhere you’ll see frequently like a mirror? Make sure you find something that will help you remember the importance of this boundary.

5. Seek accountability. 

When you’re working on something new, accountability can be an effective way to ensure you follow through. Ask yourself: who can hold me accountable? Find a trusted friend, family member, church member, pastor, or colleague and talk to that individual about your plan. You might ask that individual to check in on you and how you’re doing with maintaining that boundary.

6. Re-evaluate.

Set a time and day to go back and re-evaluate your boundary. Is this boundary working for you? If so, great! Congratulate yourself in some way. It’s no small feat to maintain your boundary. If it’s not working, how might you alter it? Was the boundary practical? Do you need to take a smaller step before getting where you need to be?

Next steps

Often, there are further reasons why maintaining boundaries are difficult. Past or present experiences can make it difficult to do on your own and could require further mental health expertise. If you need additional support with your boundaries or mental health, it may be time to enlist help by searching for a “Christian counselor near me”. Sojourner Counseling has licensed therapists who are ready to help you in 2024 with the changes you want to make. Schedule online today to make an appointment online or in person in Raleigh, NC!

If you’re not ready for counseling, these Christian books on boundaries may be an ideal next step:

Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They also have related books on boundaries with kids, with teens, in marriage, and in dating.

Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies by Dr. Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller, LMFTGood Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst

The post New Year, New Boundaries: 6 Steps to Set and Stick to Your Boundaries in 2024 first appeared on Sojourner Counseling.

The post New Year, New Boundaries: 6 Steps to Set and Stick to Your Boundaries in 2024 appeared first on Sojourner Counseling.

Change from the Past

Submerged under the hope of something fresh is leaving the past in the past and having a reset. We want to reset from the lost expectations, the disappointments of what never was in 2023. The year’s past can represent the hurt endured, the sadness and grief, the anxiety, and the trauma. These are all the things we didn’t hope for on January 1, 2023. Goals were set and not obtained, unpredictable difficulties, and shocking news, all from the brokenness we see in this world. In sum, we suffered. 

Setting New Year’s Resolutions

You might be someone who sets New Year’s Resolutions. You may not. Either is fine. But if you are wanting to set resolutions, here are some factors to consider: 

1. Before you set any resolution, commit your resolutions to prayer. Seek God’s wisdom for what areas of your life need addressing or growth. God is able to help us with New Year’s resolutions. 
2. Think of various areas of life: relationships with family and friends, financial health, emotional well-being, physical health, mental wellness, and spiritual development. Remember that each of these areas can be connected in your faith and relationship with God. 
3. Show self-compassion and grace as you think of your resolutions. You might have set resolutions this past year but didn’t meet them. If it’s important to meet these goals, re-evaluate and set a more realistic goal. We all fall short of goals and resolutions, but we’re able to get back on track.
4. Bring in others who can keep you accountable to your resolutions. This could be a spouse, partner, friend or mentor. When we bring in others, we’re more likely to follow through with support and encouragement. 

Ultimate Hope for Christians

As Christians, the promise is not in the hope in a new year. It’s not in resolutions or goals (although these are helpful to keep us growing!) Ultimately, we hope in the One who promises to renew all things. The fresh, the new, the innovative. God is in the business of doing that. He promises to make us new and promises that He is doing a new thing. This new year just might be the time He starts or continues that work for you! 

Ready to Feel Empowered as You Start the New Year?

The beginning of 2024 is the perfect time to start therapy! Therapy can help you explore old patterns you want to change and develop new ones. A Christian counselor can help you work towards those New Year’s resolutions you want to see fulfilled by developing new coping strategies and work towards healing. If you’re been wanting to address specific issues or get into a better place emotionally, mentally, relationally, or spiritually, Christian counseling can provide you great support and lay a solid foundation for the upcoming year. Let us come alongside you or your family this year through your journey to healing and renewal. Sojourner Counseling is ready to assist you in your counseling needs today. Get started by booking an appointment with one of our counselors today!

The post Hope for the 2024 New Year first appeared on Sojourner Counseling.

The post Hope for the 2024 New Year appeared first on Sojourner Counseling.