It’s okay to have boundaries

Boundaries are good and healthy. This statement might be obvious to some. To others, it may not be. Women often feel like they have to be everything to everyone: most reliable friend, best daughter, mom who holds everything together, hardest worker, loyal daughter. Fill in the blank with whatever role you can imagine. But the thing is, there’s no way to be the best at everything and hold it all together. Whatever real or imagined expectations you or others have set are making things just too tough because you were just not meant to function this way. Some of this may come from your own high expectations. You may not have grown up seeing healthy boundaries modeled. When you tried to establish a boundary, you were met with anger or guilt from friends or family or a boss. Or maybe you might believe that setting boundaries is selfish and sinful when the Bible tells us to love others. However, starting now, we must consider and remember that God has given us boundaries in Scripture for our good and has created us as creatures who can’t go and go like the Energizer Bunny. 

Let’s consider a definition of boundaries. Cambridge Dictionary provides two helpful definitions: 1. a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something and 2. the limit of what someone considers to be acceptable behavior. In both these definitions, limitations are what make boundaries. We all have limitations, and when we recognize our limitations, we can create healthy, God-honoring boundaries and function as God designed us. In his book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer states, “What if these limitations aren’t something to fight but to gratefully accept as a signpost to God’s call on our souls?…They are where we find God’s will for our lives.” 

When we consider our boundaries to help us better steward ourselves and resources, we can better love and serve God in the way He intended. If you’re looking for a place to start, prayer is a great place to begin by asking God to explore your boundaries.

Say goodbye unhealthy patterns in relationships

People are designed for community and connection. The pandemic and social distancing showed people how crucial social connection with others is. However, you must be mindful of the boundaries you have in relationships. Although there are many struggles women have in relationships, fear and inadequacy can often drive behavioral patterns in relationships with others. Fear of others can lead to compromising values or saying yes because you’re afraid of how the other person may respond. Inadequacy can drive women to comparison of others’ lives, leading to feelings of jealousy or discontentment. It can even lead to putting down others to make you feel better about yourself. 

In a healthy relationship, you’re able to love God, love ourselves and love others in a way that aligns with God’s design for you. In a healthy relationship, you’re able to say no without fear of the other person becoming angry or feeling guilty afterwards. Additionally, when your boundaries are respected in relationships, the other person doesn’t guilt or shame you or ignore your boundaries. 

If you find yourself in unhealthy patterns, it’s time for a change. You can begin to implement healthy boundaries in your relationships today. If you’re noticing patterns of unhealthy boundaries, it might be a good time to begin working with a professional counselor to help you identify the deeper roots of these patterns and begin to work on changing them. You can say hello to healthy boundaries in relationships this year!

*Please note: If you are or suspect you are in an abusive relationship, seek help immediately.*

Check your social media boundaries

Social media keeps you connected to old classmates, family, friends, and that neighbor you once lived next to in third grade. The same platforms that can gift you convenient connections can plague you with easy comparison. Have you ever noticed that people rarely post sad pictures of themselves or confess to the realities of all the hardships in life? That’s purposeful. The constant use of social media without awareness of its impact on your mental, emotional and spiritual health can be negatively impactful. In fact, studies have shown that increased social media use has been linked with increased rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, and feelings of inadequacy. 

Does this mean you should cut social media use completely? That’s for you to decide. Here are a few questions you might use to gauge your current use and whether to increase, maintain, decrease or cut use all together.

• How many minutes or hours do I spend on social media platforms each day?
• How do I feel after being on it for a period of time? Happy, joyful, anxious, irritated, angry, sad? 
• Does social media bring you closer to God?
• Is it helpful with keeping up with friends, family, classmates, co-workers, neighbors, etc that I actually want to maintain a connection?

Whatever you decide to do, consider committing today to be more prayerful and aware of your social media use. 

This new year provides an opportunity to reflect on what boundaries you want to set for yourself. Whether it’s starting with accepting boundaries as healthy, looking at patterns in relationships or monitoring your social media use, starting somewhere with evaluating your boundaries is essential. If you’re struggling with boundaries and looking to explore these deeper, meeting with a Christian counselor can help you identify your personal boundaries and help you build healthier boundaries that align with your faith. Schedule an appointment with Sojourner Counseling today!

The post Boundaries for Christian Women in 2024: New Year, New Boundaries first appeared on Sojourner Counseling.

The post Boundaries for Christian Women in 2024: New Year, New Boundaries appeared first on Sojourner Counseling.